So fast.

I’m freaking out about how quickly these last couple weeks have gone by.  Almost every moment of them have been lovely, with a few moments in there that could have been more enjoyable.  Spending my last weeks here downing pizza and ice cream and alcohol, dancing at FKA, and feeling more close to some people and so much further away from others is a good way to use my time I guess.  And this night…this night I am awake, and alone.  Kind of a shocker considering I haven’t been alone in a while, what with my jam packed schedule. But here I am.  Trying to enjoy my last night alone in this apartment that has seen unbelievably funny times and has also had to hold buckets of my tears.  I am so nervous, and had not yet felt sadness about leaving until recently, and yet today sadness came in the reminder that I need to get out of here for a while.  Breathe a different air I guess.

I am ready and not ready at all and completely alone in all of my feelings.

What? What? Seriously What?

I leave in less than two weeks.  Let me repeat that.  I am leaving the country for 2+ years in less than two weeks.  I am having a hard time wrapping my head around this whole thing.  It sort of all just hit me harder on Tuesday.  I glanced at my calendar, realizing how little time I have left, and how much of it is already filled with plans.  It makes it hard for me to shower and be a real person on the days that I don’t have plans.  My emotions have sort of been all over the place, with no real explanation because they don’t seem to make sense to me.  For a few days I felt really angry, directed in no real general direction and I was left with only inklings of who the anger might be about.  I’ve been troubled with family crises and kind of overwhelmed with things.  I’ve felt extremely sad, but also felt like I can’t really express that because I’m surrounded by people telling me not to go (though I do have those who are only expressing positive thoughts on my upcoming travels).  Let’s not forget the extreme excitement. OH MY GOSH I AM GOING TO NAMIBIA! COOL.

I have a handful of little projects started…only one of them is finished (Katie’s tattoo design that is now forever in ink on her back).  Others include earrings, paintings, more tattoos, crafty presents, etc.  Will I finish them all? Probably not.  Though a couple are a must so I should get on that.

What am I doing with my last two weeks here?  Well, tonight I have been peer pressured into going to FKA.  This could be an entirely awkward experience for me since I tend to play the socially awkward role.  It’s kind of my big last Chicago queer hoorah before I leave.  I highly doubt there will be an abundance of queer culture in Namibia (they tend to frown on that sort of thing…).  This weekend includes friends and baby time and a visitor from Arizona!  She’ll stay until the 13th.  I tend to get a little anxious being the entertainer, but hopefully she’ll run errands with me and we can just enjoy each others’ company because I’ve missed her quite a lot.  My dad is trying to get me to come home for a day.  I’m trying to avoid that.  Too much money and trouble for such a short short trip.  My aunt is throwing me a family BBQ on the 16th!

And lastly, I’ll be a nervous wreck on the 17th.

It's Set

So Sarah has departure flights. August 18th I will be leaving Chicago to spend a day and a half in Washington, DC. There I'll get a quick orientation to the Peace Corps and then immunizations. At 5:40pm on August 19th I start my 20 hour journey to Namibia.


Woah.

A Okay

Sarah had a lovely weekend. It was filled with sun soaking and music listening and a variety of visitors during the Folk & Roots festival. So much time with such great people feels so great. Not only that, but it was followed by a pleasant Monday. My aunt drove into the city to hang out, we walked in the bird sanctuary near Montrose Beach, which is one of my favorite spots in the city, and then saw a movie together. Tonight will be me dreaming about cooking something lovely, but probably deciding against it due to 1)huge stack of dirty dishes in the sink that I will not be touching 2)cooking requires a trip to the grocery store and the one in walking distance does not always have the proper ingredients, and 3)I'm indecisive when it comes to picking a recipe and it gets kind of stressful!

And now perhaps a nap or the comfort of a book.

Oreos!

I don't post often anymore. The inspiration is lacking. I've been dragging myself to my much despised job and also worrying about the fluctuating health of both of my grandmothers. However, when I am not at work, and not worrying about family matters, my life is pretty swell. Tonight, our apartment was filled with the scent of freshly baked homemade oreos, the recipe was from Smitten Kitchen. They turned out great, though next time I will make them thinner.

Two days left of work. And perhaps then I will rant and rave about my 5.5 weeks of no work and no school.

done and done

So I’ve graduated.  Which has yet to settle in completely.  I don’t feel any sadness connected to it though which is wonderful.  I feel almost entirely content right now, despite the unfortunate employment.  That will end soon, followed by a month of no plans and just enjoying the sun and Chicago and people.  And then I’m off by myself.  Doing my own thing. And I’m still certain that it is the right thing to do.

Anyways.  I just feel great right now.  I feel attached to people in a healthy amount and entirely ok with my existence as me.  I just had a long but enjoyable week with family.  It gets exhausting having to entertain guests, but it was good seeing them.  And I’m feeling good.

So thank you DePaul.  For all the knowledge you put in me, the pleasant and horrible experiences you gave me, and the place you have taken me to.

Ho Hum

I would like to skip all the graduation festivities and potential family crises please. I've already got a feeling that these next few days are going to be stressful and hard to enjoy. So much for my days off from work.

I guess it's just a selfish desire to want to hide under a rock.

- Grandma sick
- Aunt breakdown
- Cousin reacting
- Clothes shopping rush/stress
- Too much noise at party
- Graduation ceremony
- Telling people over and over about my future all in the same 2 days
- People constantly telling me not to go...it may be half-joking but not always helpful
- Figuring out what to do with my father while with my mother, worrying about hurting his feelings
- 6 hour drive to other grandparents' house, grandma also not doing well
- Potential inability to go to other grandparents' house due to work, hurt dad's feelings as well as grandparents'

I think that's it. I was looking forward to a worry-free weekend, but that seems highly unlikely. I went to sleep by 9 today. Mother called to discuss some of tomorrow and Friday. Now I'm awake. And stressed.